This has been a hard Summer. (My real life friends are now saying "There she goes whining again.") I have been a whiner this summer. I hate whining. I hate to hear it and I hate it when I do it.
As I was perusing the blogs today I came across this graphic from I will take it Lord, all You have to give (appropriate title for today)
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Hmmm...not showing much of any of these. Evidence that I am not living in the Spirit.
This woman amazes me. I have read much about the life of Ruth Bell Graham. Both that which she wrote herself and also what others of her. She inspires me. Inspires me to be better than I am. Although my husband is not Billy Graham, he has been called into ministry. I thought I was marrying an engineer...and got a youth pastor.
One thing I have struggled with this summer has been being the one at home. Not that I don't want to be here, sometimes it just feels like I am more of a maid and taxi service than anything else. Like everyone else is living life and I am just cleaning up after it. Laundry, meals, housework, etc.
Ruth Graham gave up her aspirations of being a missionary to China to serve her family. And WOW look at the results. I can't imagine what it was like to be busily raising kids and have Billy phone home and tell her about the people he was meeting, the places he was seeing, and to witness God moving to mightily.
From all I have read she is described as spirited and spunky. I wonder if she ever lost it with her kids? If she ever felt likes she was missing out on life? If she ever wondered if what she was doing at home really mattered for God? Did she ever resent Billy? Or God for her position or lack of of it?
As I was cleaning my nightstand I had to laugh. These were the titles of books:
The Power of a Positive Mom by Karol Ladd
Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God by Noelle Piper
Attitudes of a Transformed Heart by Martha Peace
How about instead:
The Impact of a Crabby Momma?
Fickle Woman Resisting God?
Attitudes of a Selfish Heart?
All written of course by yours truly.
This is my pattern. Start of strong trusting and leaning on God for strength and then somewhere along the way when things get tough and long, I trust in my own strength and lean on my own understanding. The results are not pretty. I apologize to my real life friends who have seen me at my worst this summer. I have treasures in you for putting up with me. This time the enemy did turn up the heat on me. Circumstances a little longer and a little tougher than in the past, and I failed.
I woke with a renewal this morning. Circumstances have not changed, but my heart has...to some degree...it's a start.
Last Sunday the Pastor told us he was going to be preaching on complaining and asking us to wear this
I said right then and there "Forget that. I won't wear one." Ugly I know. (not the bracelet, my attitude)
But today, nearly a week later, I think I will try. It will be good for my heart. And for your ears (eyes) ;o)