Counting

"Comparison is the thief of joy".

 So true.  A theif that I welcome in with unlocked doors and open arms if I am honest with myself. 

Come on in.  Let me get out the measuring stick.  Oops.  See that?  I am just a little short.

How amazing would it be if I just lived my life the way God designed it to be?  Instead I find myself like the Star Bellied Sneeches comparing and counting stars on thars.  Rarely does the comparison thief come in the form of materialism.  Things don't attract me like they used to.  No it is comparing your children against mine.  Your spiritual walk against mine.  Your fulfillment in your job against mine.  Your service against mine.  Your commitment against mine.  The theme is you against me. 

These things ought not be.

Jamie has a written great post. This is a lesson that I have learned before.  Yet, I find myself re-learning it again and again.  God is a unique Creator.  Multifaceted.  Each of us are created uniquely with a unique purpose with unique gifts.  Yet, we look at each others "stars" and let it snatch our joy.  Really, we give it away.  I choose to want your "star" and forget what "stars" are uniquely mine.  I feel that my stars are inadequate or don't count for much. When the truth is your stars are just for you.  Your stars would not "fit" me.  I am the mom God has designed for my children.  I am the wife designed for my husband.  I am the friend designed for you.  It is like trying to fit into someone else's skinny jeans.  Not good.  Yet, I try.  I am joining into the pact with Jamie.  To be the best me and let you be the best you.  To live for the audience of One.

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your hands just as we told you.  So that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependant on anyone.
1 Thessalonians 4:11

Between the lines

I wrote my first blog post March 2007.  I had children ages 13, 10, 8, 6 and 1. Now our oldest has graduated high school and our youngest has graduated Kindergarten.  I used to think about potty training and braces.  I am still thinking about braces but my thoughts are also about college, careers, and boyfriends/girlfriends.

Blogging has aged too.  It used to be just a place anyone could have a voice on a wide variety of topics. One woman could have lots of opinions on lots of topics. Now it seems you need a niche.  Mommy-Blog. Decorater-Blog. Spiritual-Blog. Coupon-Blog. Green-Blog. Fitness-Blog.  Craft-Blog.  For an average girl like me, it gives me anxiety.  "THEY" say you need a niche.  A target audience.  What would be my niche?  Do I even have something that I am so passionate about that I could go on and on post after post about said topic.  I don't.  And I get tired of myself when I am continually voicing my narrowminded opinions on hot topics.  God is teaching me that I really do not need to share EVERY opinion I have.  Shocking.  I know.  Is it even OK for my target audience to be average girls with various thoughts on various topics?  Is it OK not even to really have an audience?  To not try to gather "followers"?

I have been feeling like maybe I missed my blog-window-of-opportunity.  Feeling that I was not an expert in any topic in any sense.  Feeling like maybe the young Mommy Bloggers had taken over all of the web space.  I even had inferior feelings like they had much more knowledge on just about any given topic than I.  I often wondered 'how did they get so dang smart so early'.  But then I remembered why I started this blog.  It was a way for me to get down a complete thought.  With days filled with babies, tears, reading children's books and doing math problems with my kiddos blogging was a way to think one complete adult thought.  It was a way for me to remain somewhat sane in the mundaness of life.

Most of the bloggers from my early days have moved on.  The ones that have continued I treasure like an old friendship.  The one's that you don't see for years and then can pick right back up.  Others I miss dearly.  I have found new blogs that I enjoy too and that is fun.  New friendships are always fun.

So I am coming to the realization that blogging is like life.  It is a journey.  It is like me.  Changing and evolving. 

Status Report

I have had a hard time coming up with much of anything worthwhile to blog about.  So I told a friend that I would do a status report and hopefully get the creativity flowing...(she also agreed to do one, and as of yet has not...you know who you are)

Reading: The Power of a Woman's Words by Sharon Jaynes.  I did a Sunday School lesson a few weeks ago from the book of James about the power of our words and what God has to say about using our tongue.  The lesson has been kickin' my rear.  The more I meditate on the scriptures regarding this the more I seem to fail.  In fact, the last two weeks my mouth has been out. of. control.  Why do I do the things I don't want to do...?  Ageless question.  I need help.  Or a muzzle.

Drinking:  French Vanilla Cafe.  My fave.

Studying:  James by Beth Moore.  Just finished day one.  Appherently God thinks I have much to learn from Mr. James.

Thinking about: Blessing my family on Valentine's Day with special treats and notes.

Pinning:  Latest pin was for a carmel fondue.  Yum!

Dreaming: Of doing some landscaping this year.  Adding a peach tree.  I would love some privacy fencing.

Cooking:  Tonight it was Creamy Chicken Pockets and a salad.  Tomorrow is Chinese Chicken.  Wednesday we eat at church.  Thursday:  French Dip Sandwiches with sweet potato fries.  Friday:  Spaghetti.  Saturday:  Potato soup.

The list

1000.  The number seems taunting at first.  Could I really find 1000 things in my life to be thankful? Some days the thankfulness comes so easy.  Everything is sunshine and daisies. 

·         Watching my five year old play with Barbies

·         Listening to Pandora worship station at work

·         Watching the Passion Conference online

·         Lunch with my daughter

Other days the thanks has to be dug for like a buried treasure.  I know it is there, but I cannot see it at first glance.  It is taking time to be quiet (my word for the year)  and to think of the things that are blessing my heart.

·         Second chances

·         New starts at a fresh week

·         Letting go of resentment

·         Feeling better after being ill

This counting has been a healing balm to my spirit.  A healing that I did not realize that I needed. 

I recently finished reading Kisses from Katie and as I read of her life in Uganda, and the lives of those where she lives I realize that I have so much.  So stinking much to be thankful for yet sometimes I choose ingratitude.  Counting continually reminds me of the Giver of all good gifts.  The little journal that sits on the end table waiting for me to add gifts to it beckons me to add to the list.  Once I start the list grows and grows.   But I have to choose to start.  Consider joining Ann with her January list to get you started. 

A mini-revival

 Image http://homegrownhospitality.typepad.com/homegrown_hospitality/

I love formulas.  Not necessarily the mathematical sort but the “if X  then Y” sort.  If I do this then this will happen.  If my attitude is this then the outcome will be such.  I love the idea that there is predictability.  Control.  I am fooling myself.

I live in a home with six other people.  As much as I would like it to be different, I have no control over them.  Yes, I can make consequences, but I cannot control.  And I really don’t think it is in their or my best interest if I do the controlling anyways.  But at times I want to know the outcome.  If I teach gratitude my children will be grateful.  If I value cleanliness my children will pick up after themselves.  If I make them well balanced meals my family will be healthy.  If my children see me value church and the Lord they will also.  If I pray enough in the morning I will have a blessed day.  If I am nice enough then my relationships will all go well (for me). 

What I do have control over is me.  My attitude, my response, my actions.  And that. Is. It.

I feel my Spirit is in a sort of revival.  I have a new desire for Scripture memory.  For journaling during quiet time.  A hunger to know more of Him.  To encourage others.  To give grace frivolously.  Because if grace is undeserved then why shouldn’t it be given frivolously?  I want to receive that kind from Him.  And I want to give that to others.

Word for 2012

Quiet

What are my hopes for 2012?

Quiet.

Quiet my mouth.  Be careful what I say and use the KNT (Kind Necessary True) rule.  So much of my opinion is really not needed nor does it do any good in encouraging others.   I want to give grace frivolously.   This video was very convicting to my heart.  How much grace is enough?  I guess that depends on whether you are giving or recieving.

Quiet my spirit.  My life is busy.   That is not going to change.  What I am learning is that I can quiet my spirit no matter where I am or what is going on.  It is my choice.  It happens inside my heart and peace envelopes.  I have been practicing this lately and what a difference it makes.  I have to say I have also failed miserably at times and that is OK too.  I will just keep practicing because it brings a beautiful peace.

“Be still and know that I AM God.”

I have really enjoyed this Christmas break.  I have checked so many things off my to-do list.  I have spent time listening to music, crafting, reading, sewing, and drawing.  All those things make me slow down, think and process.  I need to do that more.  It is healthy for all involved.

 Time with God needs to be a priority.  Quality time to journal.  Time to meditate on His Word.  I am taking the challenge to memorize and meditate on the book Colossians.  I am fearful that I will fail and give up but I am going to start and I am going to try.   

Quiet my appetites.  Appetites for things that are not good for me. Foods that are of no benefit and eaten too often.   Appetites for things that are not needed yet desired.  Appetites for stuff that 6 months from now will end up at Goodwill or broken.  Appetites to surf Pinterest aimlessly just because it is endless and the next great find might be just a click away.  Appetite to surf Facebook for a bit of information that I really don’t need to know that will only feed my appetite for judgment. 

Quiet.

Happy New Year!  May 2012 bring you many blessings.

Connected

I am joining with Gypsy Momma today...


I watched several preschool programs this week.  That is my blessing being a preschool director.  Children singing to their mommies  and daddies.  Oversized hand motions with big smiles.  So proud of what they had learned and so proud to have someone they loved watching them.

One boy yells "That is my Nanny!"

A little girls eyes light up when she sees her daddy.

A shy child holds her hand over her mouth but is secretly glad that she is performing for momma.

After the performance the children have opportunity to create a holiday treasure with their someone special.  The adults have come into the child's envorment.  It is our chance to be a child again and enjoy the simplicity of popcicle sticks, pom-poms, glue and glitter.

Yet, some of these adults cannot or will not connect.  They are still plugged into their cell phones texting while their child creates.  They sigh and look at their watch.  They ask me "How long do I have to stay?"

I wonder how often do I do that.  Do I linger too long at the computer?  Do I acknowledge their question?  Do I hear their voices?  Or am I too caught up in things that really don't matter to connect?  Pinterest, blogging and facebook can wait. 

Help me Lord to hear and see so I can connect with people and with You.