Tuesday, December 11, 2007

My heart is full

If you are tired of hearing about adoption you can skip reading today's post.

Today is our one year anniversary of receiving our daughter Ella. As I woke this morning my heart was full with the thoughts of not only this day last year, but all that has transpired over the past 12 months.

Often I am asked if I love Ella any differently than my other children. I have to say yes and no. 'No' in the sense that she is every bit my child as any of the other children. I feel completely bonded to her. I love her so much. 'Yes' in the sense that adopting her has taught me so much about God and His love for us. Our biological children have taught me of how great God's sacrifice was to give freely His son for our salvation. How hard that must have been for Him. How much He loves His children and want the best for them.

But adding Ella to our family has brought new insight. God has shown me through this process how He pursues us, not because we deserve it. Not because we can give back what He has given. Just out of love for us.

Certain words have new meaning to me. Grafted. Chosen. Predestined. Fatherless. Orphan. Every tribe, nation, and tongue. All people. Go into all the world. Although we did not go to China on a organized mission trip, I think of our adoption as a similar calling. Ours just didn't have an ending point. It is a lifetime commitment.

I have been so blessed this past year to be able to be this sweet little girls' mommy. It has been by far the hardest thing I have ever done...but far exceeding the difficulty has been the joy and blessing. Nearly always when God asks us to do something for Him it is hard. Hard to sacrifice our selfishness for Him. I think of the hard things that God asked some of His people to do. Moses, Daniel, David, Mary,Paul, John,... Jesus. We so often think that if something is hard it is not of God and that is just not true.

We have come so far this year. A year ago Ella would wake up (several times a night) screaming. Now she gently calls "Mommy, Momma, Mommy, Momma" Last night was the first time when I was tucking her in that after I said 'I love you' she replied 'Love you'. God is so good.

One year ago today


kim said...

Jill, i am touched by your words. i can only imagine how amazing the past year has been. God is SO good...always good.

Kim said...

This was beautifully said! I can't imagine the joy you feel! Someday when Lydia is in our arms,we can share these feelings of love.

Merry Christmas and congratulations on a year!!!

Rachel Anne said...

She is just beautiful. What wonderful words.

Lori said...

oh Jill,
you are so right.
God pursues US and God finds US and He cherishes US!!!!!
the miracle of adoption is exactly what you said...a picture of how God loves us, loves you, loves Ella.
your obedience to the command of caring for orphans....pricks my heart...