Life as a Vapor

Here is to checking one book off my reading list for the Spring Reading Thing! Yahoo! Not just yahoo to a check-off but yahoo to a great read.

I bought this book last fall. We were in the adoption process and I read an article about Steven Curtis Chapman in the CCM magazine that told how this book was life impacting. It had great influence on the 'All Things New' CD. At the time I was so eager to meet our daughter from China and wanting to connect with anything and anyone in my situation, I got the book.

So, I started the book in mid November. We traveled to China the begining of December and here it is the end of March and I am finishing this 31 day devotional. Now before you get all excited, I didn't stop meeting with the Lord all that time, just John Piper in his book.

This is a great book/devotional to keep your focus on the Lord. To gain perspective on what is really important in life. When I started this book my focus was on getting to China. God had called us to adopt this precious child and I could not wait to get my hands on her. As I finished this book I kept thinking of my sister-in-law who is battling cancer. Hope for her beating this cancer is not looking very good. She is an amazingly beautiful woman physically. One of the kind that make you stare in awe. But she is plastic, in all ways. From head to toe you see what she wants you to see, an image that she has created, unflawed to the eye. She is not a believer nor does she desire that. We had a family picture done today with my husbands family. As I looked at her, tan body, perfect hair, makeup and clothes, my heart aches for her salvation. Her life is a vapor and she doesn't realize it. I have found myself coveting her lifestyle over the past 15 years that I have been married. They live a very extravegant lifestyle. But for what? At this point there is nothing of substance. Nothing that will last into eternity. I am so sad and burdened for her.

My life is a vapor too. I have no idea how long I will be here, neither do you. Some vapors are long, some short. I want my life to amount to something for God. That may be being the best mom and wife I can be or it may mean something else in addition. The point is to stay in line with God's will for my life. Be obedient in all things and remember this life is not the prize.

Blogs

This world of blogging is amazing. I find myself thinking throughout the day 'Oh, that would make a good post'. The fact is I enjoy reading other blogs more than posting myself. I don't even remember how I first found this cyberworld. The first blog that I regularly looked at was Lifesong. I found myself eager to read Kim's posts each day. I started to read some of the blogs on her blogroll like Lisa Writes, The Hutch, A Spacious Place, and This One's for the Girls. It is so encouraging to me to hear the thoughts of women striving to lead godly lives and be and excellent example to their families and the rest of the world. It is interesting to me that you can almost hear their voices in their posts. My husband laughed at me when I came to him and said "There is this whole other world out there...did you know?" He being the computer whiz that he is did, but not so interested.

The original blogs have lead me to others and so on. The personalities are as many as bloggers. Sarcastic, pure, humble, boastful, funny, serious. Some have thoughts just like mine (which is always comforting). Some have caused me to evaluate what I believe and why. Some have caused me to dig into the scriptures and find a truth for myself. Some I agree with, some others not so much. Some of these women are theologians themselve and way too deep for my simple thoughts. Some posts I have gone back to several times because it was such an encouragement.

Only God know how far this will go for me. I want to fully live my life and be present for my kids. I can see where this could get adictive and become a not so good habit. I have also had to check myself coveting the 'pretty' blogs and saying to myself, 'I want one of those.' I am sure that jealosy is still a sin even if it is over blog pages.

God truly is in the world of blogging. Thanks to those who have encouraged me and spurred me on. This is like having girlfriends to have coffee with whenever my schedule allows. A place to hear a complete thought and the comments of others. I am loving this new place of conversation. I pray that I can someday be the same encouragement and a enjoyable place to visit.

Katrina at Callapidder Days is hosting a Spring Reading Thing. My list is rather small because I have got in a bad habit this of starting several books at the same time and have not finished any of them. So in the spirit of spring cleaning my goal is to finish these books before I start any new ones. I am looking forward to checking out what others are reading and getting some ideas for future reading this summer.

One Home at a time - Dennis Rainey
Feminine Appeal - Carolyn Mahaney
Heaven at Home - Ginger Plowman
Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends - Stephan, Sarah and Grace Mally
Life Is A Vapor - John Piper

A heavy load

This is not original. I think I read this in 'Having a Mary Heart...'.

My life seems lately like a wheel barrow. As I am going through my days I am picking up rocks along the way. Some tiny, some small, some large. You get the picture. No rock in itself is that big of deal. All manageable. But when they are all loaded in one wheel barrow (aka my life) they together are too much.

So as I reflect on the pebbles and rocks I have collected I see that God did not intend for my to carry all these rocks. Some have been there long enough for a season and now they need to be put back on the path. Some are immovable and must stay. And some have had no business being there at all, yet I have willingly picked them up for various reasons. They were pretty at the time. They interested me. It seemed like a good idea. Adding baby #5 was God's plan, His idea. His plan is also for me to be obedient and a good steward with what He has given me including my time.

Looks like it is time for a little Spring cleaning.

Season change...why can't I?

Seasons change. Styles change. Diapers need to be changed. Why do I find it so hard to be flexible with change? This seems to be the theme of my life right now.

I used to pride myself on being go with the flow, fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. Hmmm...maybe that is where the problem began, pride.

We brought home a beautiful, wonderful baby girl from China right before Christmas. Although we planned and prepared for this amazing journey for nearly TWO years, I way underestimated the change it would involve. You would think that being a mother of already four children would have prepared me to bring home another child. Let's blame it on being older this time and my brain not functioning at top capacity anymore. I had forgotten how much time babies take. How needy they are ALL the time. Doesn't that sound ridiculous? I forgot how needy babies are? What was I thinking?

With our blessing came the reality that I can not do it all. This has been a reoccurring lesson in my life. Apparently I am still not getting it. God is telling me that the season is changing and I am digging my heels in all the way. I don't like change. I can do this. Just a little time of chaos and it will all be OK. God says in His quiet voice, 'Change child'. But Lord, I can do this all. 'Change child.' But Lord, it is just a few months more of commitments. 'Change child.' But, but, but...

I can keep all the balls juggling for awhile until something unexpected comes up. Someone is coming for dinner. A child gets hurt or sick. My husbands job requires something in addition to the normal routine. An additional obligation. And then I crumble. I loose it. Maybe not on the outside, but inside I fall apart.

I don't like change. Here I have the choice. Choose what the Lord has for me for this season, be obedient and live in peace. Or choose my way, disobedience, and live in chaos for 'just a while longer'.

This doesn't change my opinion of liking change. BUT I do like the fruit that change brings. I love seeing new growth on my branches. I love seeing the buds of fruit starting to blossom. I love the new knowledge of God. I love the increase in my faith that God's ways are ALWAYS best. I just hate the process.

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